I also want to share something else today. I struggled for a long time with having amazingly strong feelings for a close friend of mine. He never saw me that way. But recently I started to view the situation in an entirely different light. I still feel strongly for him but in a different way. Not romantically. I’m just glad he is in my life as a good friend. I feel like my life is so much better for having known him. And he is very dear to me. But I finally understand this as friendship, and it makes me happy. I am so privileged to have someone in my life who completely understands me, and who I completely understand, and who I know will be part of my life in some way for a very long time to come. I can’t describe how wonderful this new reality is. But I am so unbelievably glad to have finally arrived here.
O Brother, Where Art Thou?
My brother and I used to be pretty close when we were younger. I have two older brothers but the one I am talking about is five years older than me. When I was really little, he’d play dress-ups with me. We had fun. I’m not sure when that changed or why. Maybe when he hit adolescence and entered that phase of hating the world. Maybe. In any case, we’re not so close now, and our relationship can be very trying at times. But I just stumbled upon this blog he wrote about three years ago. When I read it I was so touched because I don’t get the privilege of knowing him that well. Of being able to talk to him about anything and everything. So reading his entry on myspace those many years ago was like secretly stumbling upon a piece of his personality and mind. See, I’ve always looked up to him, even through the most trying of times. Even when I feel like he detests me. He’s my brother. But like I said, I just found his blog again today and I felt like posting it on here, because I believe what he had to say. I hold the same opinion. So even though it’s really long and I don’t think anyone will persevere through the whole thing, I want to share it anyway. Enjoy:
“Ahoy hoy,I’m sitting here thinking about the Lyrics I heard from this song played at Parklife, Most of you would know it, cause I sent you a message of it. Anyways, it goes like this “they know what is what, but they don’t know what is what, they just strut, what the fuck?” So you’re probably thinking ‘what is Tony on? So what? Its just some lyrics” But bare with me, there is method to this madness or as our Yr 12 English study of Hamlet suggests, the end justifies the means.Anyway, There’s - I don’t know… a lot of stuff happening lately and I’ve been letting it get to me, so… that’s what brings me here. I’ll probably just delete this anyway. But I’m just going to ponder. They say its good to talk, to ponder, to get things off your chest. So saddle up partner and make it a double!I believe in the theory that there are two kinds of people in the world: There are lyric people and music people. The lyric people tend to be “analytical,” all about the meaning of the song; Identifying with the story being told, trying to find answers and meaning through the bars of a rhyme. Then there are the music people, who couldn’t care less what the lyrics are, just as long as it’s got a good beat and you could dance to it. I don’t know, sometimes it might be easier to be a music boy and not a lyric boy, but since I’m not and never will be, so let me just say this: sometimes things find you when you need them to find you. I believe that. And for me, its usually song lyrics or movie quotes, that’s why you can always get a quote out of Tony, whether it be philosophical or humour. People like my Brother don’t understand this, he always tells me to stop living in my movies, that to go get a job and get out in the real world, but doesn’t it go in life, Art reflects life, or life reflects the arts?I’ve had a good run with my life, but a rough year or so has passed, and what suddenly shows up among all this bad stuff, what is it that catches my attention; A Colin Hay song called, “Overkill.” I heard whilst my sis was watching Scrubs on TV today. And just like that, the effect it had on me was indescribable, it reminded me that - you know what, it’s probably going to be okay. If it doesn’t kill me - and it won’t, then it’ll make me stronger. See things find you, they always have a habit of showing up; call it destiny, fate, fluke or whatever. But listen, I might not know anything about you but if you’re carrying around something difficult or something that nobody seems to see or get or can help you with… just remember: the answers will find us, (whether its ‘Overkill’ or this bulletin), and your family will always be there, as Momma Corleone says to Michael in Godfather II, ‘You can never lose your family.’So, anyway, enough sidetracking, back to the lyrics I heard at Parklife, it meant to me, that there are some people in this world, that go about, thinking they know who they are, pretending to be something, giving themselves false belief and security, trying to impress too many people, and in the meantime forget who they are and forget where they came from, and once they’ve stepped on too many toes or the wrong toes, they look back and realise they have no identity, they might know all these people, but their materialistic life is shallow, they have no real friends or trusting relationships, they just move from one group to another. Each time altering their personality to be accepted by these so-called ‘cool people.’ You might be wondering where I came up with this, or how many pipes have I been smoking, but it is what it is. ‘They don’t know what is what, they just strut,’ explains everything in two lines what I just tried to with one paragraph.It’s kinda like fashion vs. style. People you see that dress to the times, the ones that update their wardrobe to be part of the latest fashion craze, have ‘fashion’ not ‘style’ (they’re the music people of this world, not the lyrical), but to have ‘style’ is timeless, it’s a value rather than a commodity, ‘style’ is George Clooney for example, always dressed in sharp suits with open collars, just oozes confidence, sex appeal, and comfort. He doesn’t change, doesn’t wear the skinny jeans one year, then flairs the next cause magazines tell him too. Style is being true to yourself, dressing to your personality and radiating it and the confidence that goes with it. Its like the word cool, who’s cool, why are they cool, will they still be cool in 5 years time, when we alter our beliefs and likes and dislikes, when we mature, will we still think the same of the things we like now?But hey, I’m not critical of all music; the one thing about music, and especially the Electro-disco being played at Parklife, is that this genre wasn’t supposed to provide meaning, its designed to be liberating. Escapism at its purist.You know, I’m not the kind of person who loves listening to electro, but it was liberating, Joong my mate can tell you that, he tells me my music is boring, old, uncool, but to me it’s the exact opposite. Its comforting, it tells me life will be ok, its ok to feel lonely, sad or angry at times, that love, life’s greatest mystery (women), will come together and I’ll experience the joy of it all. Maybe this is all crap to you, but I know there are others out there that are like me, who find comfort and meaning and a chance to escape from life through the arts. Whether it is through a song, movie or my drawings I tend to lose myself in for hours instead of studying.Anyway, back to the electro, Caroline, a friend of mine, (sugar pie honey bunch, sweet innocent type of girl), and I were listening to this DJ, don’t know who or what song it was, but it was a kind of sad song, but Caz and I sang it at the top of our lungs, jumping up and down and dancing all over the place, like it was the happiest thing you’ve ever heard, and I thought that was amazing, that we could just be like that and not worry about looking cool or whatever… just giving ourselves over to the music. And that’s what Parklife was all about for me, Giving into the music and rejoicing in the face of whatever troubles you, because I promise you… we were both happy in that moment…So sometimes I wonder, who am I, why am I doing this course at uni, where is my life taking me, why do I have a problem of opening up to girls, not let them experience the real me, things like that, but when I think about electro, and the people who embraced it at Parklife and how some of them probably have it really tough… but still they were happy… at least in the music and on the dance floor, letting it all go whether to a baseline, an awesome chorus and a good beat.So I don’t know, Life is one great mystery. But I know one thing is certain, I’m gonna Strip down to my Singlet and briefs, stand in front of my mirror and lose myself in the music. Or maybe, find myself there.And for that brief moment of ecstasy, know that its all worth it, that whatever life throws our way, its just another stepping stone that I will conquer and make myself stronger.You should try it. Next time you have a tough day, find a great song whether it’s electro, hip-hop, punk or whatever, just turn up your stereo to the max and just dance and shout out the lyrics, and if you have to, keep dancing ‘til you lose yourself or you find yourself again.”
“You’ve gotta go after the things you want while you’re still in your prime”
- Avenue Q
Page 1 of 9